Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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