so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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