She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
