The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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