THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
