I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
