just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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