HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
