someone threw a dead crab at me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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