If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
