Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
