Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
