I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
