My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
