Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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