I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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