I accidentally had phone sex last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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