I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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