Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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