I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
