I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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