If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
