it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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