6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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