i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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