Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
