just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
