I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
