I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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