Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
