I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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