You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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