too bad you live with your parents still
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
