I just cut my nipple shaving
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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