sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
