I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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