I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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