I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize