So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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