you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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