we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
