So drunk its hurt
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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