please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
