HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
