I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
