My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
