He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
