I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
