just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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