Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
