I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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