This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
