I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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