Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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