Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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