Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Semen is not good for contacts.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
