you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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