i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
