I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
