Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.