Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"