her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
