Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.

(1-301): View more from Maryland

but u need boobs to get one in the first place.

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(301): : I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs. (1-301): but u need boobs to get one in the first place. http://tfl.nu/nypm

Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (1143)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

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(803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/zuya

Replies (29) Good night (8383) Bad night (873)
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(314): View more from Missouri

What happened to the watermelon?

(1-314): View more from Missouri

You fucked it.

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(314): What happened to the watermelon? (1-314): You fucked it. http://tfl.nu/pk7c

Replies (15) Good night (2171) Bad night (4474)
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(509): View more from Washington

def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.

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(509): def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout. http://tfl.nu/bt4a

Replies (5) Good night (4093) Bad night (957)
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(+32): View more from Belgium

We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.

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(+32): We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers. http://tfl.nu/61q6

Replies (13) Good night (6518) Bad night (944)
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(313): View more from Michigan

We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us

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(313): We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us http://tfl.nu/w5tj

Replies (2) Good night (2281) Bad night (1050)
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(925): View more from California

she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"

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(925): she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob" http://tfl.nu/t96e

Replies (15) Good night (4525) Bad night (911)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.

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(414): in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself. http://tfl.nu/j69f

Replies (5) Good night (3880) Bad night (1572)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.

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(662): Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse. http://tfl.nu/b0l0

Replies (6) Good night (1553) Bad night (828)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.

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(270): No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call. http://tfl.nu/mofx

Replies (11) Good night (3608) Bad night (560)
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(916): View more from California

I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.

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(916): I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today. http://tfl.nu/ycdx

Replies (4) Good night (489) Bad night (1083)
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(954): View more from Florida

Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.

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(954): Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me. http://tfl.nu/26mx

Replies (3) Good night (786) Bad night (215)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.

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(618): I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great. http://tfl.nu/nq71

Replies (3) Good night (493) Bad night (262)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom

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(709): He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom http://tfl.nu/rh7h

Replies (11) Good night (691) Bad night (299)
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(209): View more from California

Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island

(209): View more from California

The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have

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(209): Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island (209): The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have http://tfl.nu/kv13

Replies (1) Good night (409) Bad night (570)

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