i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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