Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
