I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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