Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
