my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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