wakey wakey hands off snakey
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
