Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
