We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
