absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
