M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
