i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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